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. with variegated fangs and rainbow eyes. Six different appendages or floaters ... all in wonderful color.It is a parents duty to eliminate the monsters ... eventually they ridicule and coerce often enough that the child blocks the vision. The most effective rejoinder is, "What would the neighbors say?"What the parent really means is, "I have friends in town and you're scaring them away." Grow up, David."And I wanted to be grown up.So the monsters were shunted to the old boots and too small clothes in the back of the closet ... and one of the colors went away.The next time I lost a color was when I was 28.My first heart attack.I lost the reds. Oranges and yellows stayed, but I lost the Italian glass bead red ... the one they had to make with gold. That one was gone entirely ... the other glass reds slowly faded away ... so slowly that I didn't notice until I closed my eyes one night and all I saw was blue ... spectacular shades of blue ... but blue. The blues lasted a long time.I was. I feel so upset and confused.Many questions remain through my mind: how could my own mother do thisto me, her only kid? why the hell did she begin a relationship withDavid and why she married him so that I was obligated to move along withher to his place, into this farming shity town? why is this happening tome? changing sex without undergoing surgery and hormone treatment cannothappen in reality, does it? And yet this is what happened to me...This cannot be the will of God after all? I refuse to believe this, eventhough my mother, David, the community and Pastor John give me thatmessage. Should this be his will, I would be born as a girl instead ofgrowing up first as a boy until I was seventeen years old?I know that my transformation fits into the plan of Pastor John topunish me for the sake of my critical attitude toward him and his Churchduring the past months. To change me in a girl, within this conservativecommunity, it will be easier for him to force me to start to behave asan.
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